Our first and last Last Day

I woke up early so I could have a good last morning with Baxter. We fell asleep together, he on the floor, me on the couch. i'm not sure what he made of me taking down all the wee-wee pads in the guest room, putting his toy and food in a bag, folding up the blanket in his box (first lying on it for awhile, so it would have my scent.)

Wendy and I walked baxter for a long while this morning, all the way to Farley's and back. He's such a happy dog these days, tail up, ears forward, unless he sees me and then it's ears back butt wraggling and wriggling, tail pumping. Has a human ever done that for me? Not sure. there is nothing like an animal's love. so straightforward.

I feel the iron locking around my heart. There's a dog and a kind human waiting for him across the GG bridge.

I covered the back seat with pads, and sure enough the poor guy egan to drool almost before we'd gone a block. By the bottom of the hill, he'd thrown up, the first of four times. We stopped and walked him once, otherwise i petted him and told him what a good boy he was and wendy drove with all the windows open and he drooled and looked miserable and threw up.

At cid's house he bucked enough to be happy to see mucci. mucci was in fine doggie form, much more boisterous in his own home. I inspectd the house for safety and dog love and cruelty free products and found keihls and bumble and bumble (i thought they were fine but they're not.) we discussed writing a letter to the companies and also phasing them out. wendy kept giving me the eye to leave and i kept dawdling. baxter peed a few times, marking the house, and I realized that maybe i hadn't prepard cid for that. later she would call me in a panic and i would explain how you really had to limit his options, and not let him go everywhere and he won't soil in what he thinks is "his" area. I also told her that I too had had a hard time with the peeing until I realized that it was all clean-up-able and that i had to let go a little and lighten up about furntiure which was easily cleanable,fixable or replacable, and concentrate on a dog's heart, which really was broken, and that was where the care really needed to be.

finally it was time. I called him outside, bent over, and wept into his neck.

Meeting a potential adopter

Katie, Shannon, March 28, 2013

Baxter and Mucci met today. There was a play date in our backyard, and then a walk so the humans could talk and the dogs could do their doggie thing. 

Baxter has become a happy dog in this past month, but I have never seen him as ecstatic as he was today, with another beagle in near proximity. He was even happier than when he met Muppet, which was also a delight to him. Today he dashed around, wanting to play, and really didn't stop until the leashes were put on and the walk began. Mucci was sanguine about it, and only got annoyed when Baxter nipped at his heels in order to get his attention. Then Mucci put Baxter in his place. This did not deter Baxter, who went back in play stance immediately. He was great on leash, seemed to like being with Mucci but didn't keep bugging him to play or for attention. After Mucci and Cid left, Baxter had a look that said, Really? Really? I get to play with a buddy? Really? Now he's sacked out on his blanket. All the excitement has worn him out. 

Cid is going to contact you, but she liked baxter a lot, though she may have been alarmed by the extent of his joy, only because her concern is, understandably, for Mucci and his own comfort with a bouncing dog. She wants to take him on a two week trial, starting this Saturday. I'm going to drive Baxter over there, and do an inspection of the house at that time too. Is that okay? I liked Cid a lot, she clearly cares about animals, and I think it would be a perfect home for Baxter. There's a companion dog he can learn from, a huge yard in which to play, and a doggie door for complete access. 

Caroline

FIrst Full Moon

Tuesday Night March 26

Tonight we went out to the back porch for the Last Pee. Not sure he gets it yet. He just sat and he and I looked at the full moon for awhile. I'm in a heavy overcoat and i jam my hands in my pockets and say PeePee! over and over with hope and a little desperation. he just looks at me. sometimes he jettisons himself into a bushy area the cats like to lie down in, driven there by their scent. when i call he pushes himself back out, wags his tail and then, this time, lies on his back squirms around a little feet kicking in the air, belly up, ears flopped back. he looks like a giant rabbit. I walk over, coo, rub his belly for awhile and there we stay dog and human, happy as can be under a large round full moon.

Tuesday March 26

I make sure to wake up before baxter, so he and i can greet without any teachable moments. i sprayed him last night and felt bad about it but he was scratching at the door  - it didn't help that the cats were sitting right outside, clearly taunting. he has taken to running around the kitchen to show his joy, scrabbling around the corners, sliding into the broom and then on the next corner the cats' water. he lies by the sofa unleashed for long periods of time and this morning after a greeting that included him at first  wary (spray training the night before) he wriggled and waggled and didn't seem to want to be outside so i let him in and he lay right down and has geen ther every since while i read.

first poop outside

March 24, 2013

It's sunday, beautiful out, and wendy takes baxter for a walk. I was up at 7 am and baxter did not scratch or howl to get me up and so i feel like i should get to him before he does and show him that he's a good dog for not doing so. I nap on the sofa while they're gone. More than an hour goes by and i get a frantic text Diaarhea! Baxter! In someone;s driveway. Need help cleaning it up!

and then another right after that said Hurry!

I pack a bag of paper towels and water spray and the miracle scent stuff and even medical gloves and hoof it over. it's the first time he's ever pooped on a walk and poor guy it's because he couldn't help it.

two more bark firsts - one to two pretty looking bulldogs - same MO, all good at first and then Baxter snarl-barks and it's over.

A lare black and white dog looks like she wants to eat baxter. Um, Is it okay if my dog meets yours? She has trouble with other dogs, a woman pushing a pram ahead of her husband and the dog says. She' sfine in the park but on the leash .... she trails off. I drag Baxter to teh other side of the road. He's just learning to be with other dogs I say, so I guess that's not a good idea. He's a foster. She was a foster too, the woman says cheerfully.

Park walk with Goose and John

Friday March 22

Baxter expresses his excitement to me in dog play moves, but then when i try to join in, he skitters away in fear. I'm just a human making erratic gestures and strange faces in his direction - probalby like in the lab.

i leave him during the day to go to the docs for my back and watch him on my dropcam. he sits by the door, paces by the door and finally lies by the door. he howls only once and i suspect the cats may be taunting him on the other side. it breaks my heart to see him alert and still listening, waiting, listening, hoping.

I meet john in the park and since there are no other dogs around call goose and then let baxter off leash, but the leash still attached for easier grab, to chase her, which he does, with dog joy and abandon, roudn and round in circles, careening and caroming, john and i laughing to see such freedom.

First rain: he minces across the porch, confused and then dashes back in, right into the towel i have waiting, which he doesn't like at all. i try to clean off his paws and he skitters away and i wonder if this was something they did in the lab.

but baxter has been striking first these days. it's as if he's learned this from the dogs who did it to him. we come across a bulldog offleash and at first it's all tailwagging and sniffing btw him and goose and baxter but then suddenly baxter does a bark snarl and i immediately yank him and push him to the ground and alpha dog him and he doesn't really seem contrite, just willing to play along with me. then he does it again, to the big half pit (and the woman claims half beagle, but i don't see it) and also scaring the shit out of me by doing it to valentine, alicia's huge mastiff, on the corner of carolina and 22 and valentine, at first wanting to play, then got serious and snarled back and for a moment i envisaged her pullign alicia off her feet and having her mastiff way with us, but then it was over, us owners dragging our dogs away, smiling apologetic knowing smiles.
last night i lay beside baxter, spooning him and half aslep he just rolled over on his back sprawled like a flayed rabbit. i rubbed his tummy and murmured nonsense words into his neck and it was that way until finally it was time to go to bed and i thought, okay i understand the dog thing, the deep bond, the meaning, and then pushed that thought away and went to bed.

First (very fat) beagle outside of a cage

there are more troubled dogs and dogs who don't get along with other dogs, than i realized. the white poodly thing with the twenty something owner who says She has Issues with Dogs, when I ask if Baxter can say hi. There;s the terrier that get's territorial near her house. There's the dachsund who barks well before baxter approaches promptly the owner only to shrug and smile.

i am hardening my heart against baxter, who seems so happy to see me. He steps away as I appriach and then lurches back forward tail high, ears flapping, bottom doing a dance of it's own. He looks to me when a cat approaches (canicanicani) or at least does so in the house (outside he still chases). He bounds ahead of me as i step into the kitchen and then back again. In the morning when I get him (if i'm not there to spray him to stop him from scratching and barking and whining at 4 pm) he acts as if he's never seen someone as lovely and kind as me. He still suddenly flinches if i move toward him with a towel in my hand, or if i grab him suddenly by the scruff he cries (supposedly they took them to procedures like that - just dragged them down the hallway full grown dog, by their scruff. Wont do it again.)

Today joe the foster guy and his beagle muppet came over. muppet is the fattest dog i have ever seen in my life. a rescue from the spanish medical lab a year ago, i imagined him to be small and bouncy. he was a little taller than baxter but weighed 60 pounds instead of 30. i was so shocked i didn't know what to say but wondered if this was the right home for baxter, even though everyone from the beagle freedom project spoke so highly of joe.

Baxter was ectastic. Muppet was pretty unmoved, and didn't mind baxter sniffing and pushing and running and trying to play. Joe and I talked in the backyard as muppet nosed around and baxter tried to engage him. everything he did baxter suddenly did. the dry food that he disliked? muppet took some bites and so baxter charged right in and ate voraciously. the water he never drinks? lapped it right up after muppet. the cat food he ignores? at the bowl next to the one muppet chomped out of. it was pretty funny actually.

joe is a handsome gay guy who clearly loves muppet. when he first saw him coming toward him he just knew they were meant to be together he said, and got teary (and i did too).

He has Muppets tattoo number tattooed on his own ears.

We walked the neighborhood and talked - i was worried that muppet, who looked like a misshapen dog would keel over from the hills. Joe didn't seem to realize he was so fat. when wendy met him she said hi chubby and joe looked a little taken aback.  there are three sizes of beagles he saie, a tad defensive (normal, fat, superfuckingfat?)

Joe said that he had gotten complacent as an adult - he would come home from work and wanted to veg out and didn't believe in anything passionately, until he met muppet. now he has cleaned his house of products that test on animals, he is thinking of going vegan or at least vegetarian, and he fosters beagles and other dogs in need that was really cool, i thought. i like this guy, i thought. baxter will be happy with him, i thought.

even hours later, when they are gone and we are just lying around, baxter has taken the bone he has ignored for the past few days and begun to chew on it happily, because muppet liked it.