Park walk with Goose and John

Friday March 22

Baxter expresses his excitement to me in dog play moves, but then when i try to join in, he skitters away in fear. I'm just a human making erratic gestures and strange faces in his direction - probalby like in the lab.

i leave him during the day to go to the docs for my back and watch him on my dropcam. he sits by the door, paces by the door and finally lies by the door. he howls only once and i suspect the cats may be taunting him on the other side. it breaks my heart to see him alert and still listening, waiting, listening, hoping.

I meet john in the park and since there are no other dogs around call goose and then let baxter off leash, but the leash still attached for easier grab, to chase her, which he does, with dog joy and abandon, roudn and round in circles, careening and caroming, john and i laughing to see such freedom.

First rain: he minces across the porch, confused and then dashes back in, right into the towel i have waiting, which he doesn't like at all. i try to clean off his paws and he skitters away and i wonder if this was something they did in the lab.

but baxter has been striking first these days. it's as if he's learned this from the dogs who did it to him. we come across a bulldog offleash and at first it's all tailwagging and sniffing btw him and goose and baxter but then suddenly baxter does a bark snarl and i immediately yank him and push him to the ground and alpha dog him and he doesn't really seem contrite, just willing to play along with me. then he does it again, to the big half pit (and the woman claims half beagle, but i don't see it) and also scaring the shit out of me by doing it to valentine, alicia's huge mastiff, on the corner of carolina and 22 and valentine, at first wanting to play, then got serious and snarled back and for a moment i envisaged her pullign alicia off her feet and having her mastiff way with us, but then it was over, us owners dragging our dogs away, smiling apologetic knowing smiles.
last night i lay beside baxter, spooning him and half aslep he just rolled over on his back sprawled like a flayed rabbit. i rubbed his tummy and murmured nonsense words into his neck and it was that way until finally it was time to go to bed and i thought, okay i understand the dog thing, the deep bond, the meaning, and then pushed that thought away and went to bed.